Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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