But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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