You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
