I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
