I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
