i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
