he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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