After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
