You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
