maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
