We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
