I want to walk on stilts...naked
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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