Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
