Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
