my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
