we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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