No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
When did angry sex become our thing?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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