i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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