Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
