mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Someone signed my nipple.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
