I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
