dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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