We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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