I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
