i love accidental penises.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
