And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
