Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I believe in your delicious
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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