dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
