before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
