goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Randomize
