Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
