Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
