And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
