I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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