My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
