if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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