Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
