my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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