I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
