if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
