wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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