apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
