hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Buhtt sex?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
