im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
