his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
