Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
