I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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