if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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