ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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