I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
