i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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