haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
