Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
