I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
